To Put It All Out There: Baby Shower

I am throwing a baby shower for my sister-in-law on Saturday. It should be a good time but I think that I am a little nervous about it. The first thing I have to say is that I don't know her side of the family at all and I am not quite sure how they are going to be. This uncertainty is making me very nervous. Me and my mom have put a lot of time, effort, and money into this shower and I am so scared that it is not going to go well. My sister-in-law grew up in Florida's foster care system. She has NEVER had a party thrown for her before. When I say never I mean never. No birthday party, graduation party, nothing. I really want this to go well for her sake. I want it to be fun and an event she will remember for a long time to come. I have said it before and I will sing his praises again...I have the best boss in the world. I say that to make a point he is allowing us to use his $600,000 house to throw the party in. The house is stunning, and up for sale if anyone is interested, and should be a wonderful place for any party. CLICK ON THE PICTURE BELOW TO GO TO THE INFO FOR THE HOUSE!!!

It is also very exciting because it is the first time I will be an aunt. I am going to be a horrible aunt. Not in the bad yucky giving you sloppy kisses (okay I might) horrible sense but rather in the spoiling sense. I am a nut when it comes to kids, maybe because I am a kid myself most days. My cousins (two 12 year-olds and a 10 year old) think I am the coolest adult they have ever met. My son says I am the coolest mom ever (something I take great pride in thank you very much). So I am hoping that I will be the coolest aunt ever. I am concerned though with my sister-in-law's past how she will be as a mother. She has been a miserable pregnant woman and I hope that her childish manners fade when the baby comes. Still I worry that my brother will end up like me...a single parent. I know he can handle it better than anyone else. He is a lover of children (he spoils my son so horribly it is no wonder my son can even walk) and he would NEVER EVER be mean or hurtful to a child...her on the other hand I worry about. My brother claims everything will be fine but there is still that little voice in the back of my mind saying "I don't know about this one". I know she will love the baby and I know the baby will be taken care of physically (hygiene wise) but emotionally I don't know if she is ready. She is very "ME" and is prone to tantrums (okay so I refer to her as Pretty Princess but that is a whole different thing) and as a mother I can tell you there is very little "Me" in parenting. And most tantrums occur around two years old and require a diaper and shrill screams! I am just concerned for the well being of my brother and this baby. Also, because she is the product of the life she was born into, she has a possessive nature. When me and my mom say something like "Well, you will need rest. If you need it we can come and take the baby." We mean an hour or so. She interprets it as we will take the baby. It is understandable. In her growing up when someone took the baby that was it. The baby was gone and you never saw it again. I have tried to control my words and spoke to my mother at length about it. But I worry that this possessive nature will make it nearly impossible for anyone to hold or even care for the baby. It is a selfish concern, I know, but still it concerns me. I will never rip a baby away from their mother, without very good hard evidence that the baby is in a life threatening environment, let alone take the baby and do whatever with it. I don't think she understands that we are a loving family. We can be trusted. That we love that baby and her and that we will never harm either in any way. It is sad that the system produces this kind of paranoia in someone but my contempt with the foster care (and children services in general) system is far too long winded for this blog. I have worked for the system before and I can tell you from an insider it is a corrupt institution. Far too many times I saw case workers turn a blind eye either because the parents were high ranking officials, they were already too overburdened with bulging case loads, or their superiors told them there was nothing to worry about. Children are at such a risk in today's society and it is sad that the people that are supposed to be there to help them don't always follow through. Don't get me wrong I worked with some wonderful people but I also worked with people who were once very gung ho about their jobs and over the years they got burned out. I know I did that is why I left. It is a hard job that no one should do unless they can mentally block out the horrible scenes and stories they know. I personally could not and had to leave. I was physically and emotionally destroyed from that job.

All in all I am very excited. A new addition, a baby, in any sense of the word is meant to bring joy. A joy that will last through the years. Children are to be cherished for each day they show us how to live. They teach us more than we can ever teach them, I know my son has. They teach us to stop and stare at the inch worm because it is a wondrous thing. They teach us that bubbles in the back yard can beat any amusement park. They teach us that it is not how much money we spend on them but in fact that we spend time with them. It is the little things that matter to children. The smiles and hugs mean so much more than careful control and rules. Saying yes more than no means so much to them. I will never forget the time I allowed my son to use his feet to paint instead of his hands...it was the most fun I have ever had. Not only because I too felt the squishy delight in the paint between my toes but because he lit up the room with his laughter. In the story of Peter Pan the author says that when a baby laughs the laugh is broken up into hundreds of tiny particles and each particle become a fairy. I don't know how many fairies have been created because of my son but I know that the magic of that laugh has intertwined itself around my heart. There is so much joy in his laughter it brings tears to my eyes. Sometimes I tickle him just to hear it. And no matter how rough the day that laugh will cheer me up in a minute. I hope my sister-in-law finds the laughter of her child so addictive. The smell of baby in the morning beats coffee any day. These are the simple things I hope that my sister-in-law finds joy in. I hope beyond measure that she provides motherly love that she herself has never received. I hope that she sees me and my mother as guiders to what mothers are supposed to be and rises up to the occasion. Maybe it is the fact that she is my brother's wife, maybe I am supposed to be like this. Maybe, no matter who he married, I would have worried for him. I don't know I have never been a sister in law before. I just hope that no matter what the outcome that baby stays innocent and always keeps the twinkle in his eyes. I will have to remember to be patient, because parenting is a skill that takes years to accomplish and still mistakes are made. Parenting is the one thing in this world that you can never truly perfect. It requires no license and has no manual but you are expected to accomplish great things besides. It will take her time and maybe she questions herself too, I don't know, but I will try to be as supportive as possible. I don't know how the scene will play out and I certainly don't know what the future holds but I do know that the joy of a little one will be all I need to get me through anything!