Coulrophobia

Coulrophobia is an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns. It is not uncommon among children, but is also sometimes found in teenagers and adults as well. Sufferers sometimes acquire a fear of clowns after having a bad experience with one personally, or seeing a sinister portrayal of one in the media.

Today's topic comes froma birthday party I went to this weekend. I suffer from coulrophobia. I will admit it that it is strange. I hate clowns, they have terrified me since I was a child. I don't know of any horrible experience I have had with a clown but I do know that my mother had to leave a circus with me one time because I screamed through the entire clown act. There is something sinister and alarming to me about them. I know they are supposed to be funny and you are supposed to laugh, but I have never liked them. The thing is my mother used to collect them and I could never look at the curior filled with them. They scared me. Here is my theory why:

I believe all people, especially the young, look at people's facial expressions to tell them if they are good or bad. Clowns you cannot tell. They always look happy and jolly. We have learned, however, that that is not always the case. There are whole websites devoted to the subject.

Everyone wears masks. That is part of what makes us human. Does anyone really see who we are all of the time? You wear your mom mask when you are with your children. Your work mask, your lover mask, your religious mask, and so on and so on. These are not always part of who I am. I have to wear masks because I am a completely different person depending on my surroundings. I think this is the reason for the fear of clowns...you can never tell what is hiding beneath that mask. All the makeup says "Trust me I am fun" but that is not the case. Look at John Wayne Gacy. Clown mask at parties. Serial Killer in his free time. Enough said! Terrifying when you think about it! The man who attends church regularly, owns his own company, and cheats on his wife wears masks. Masks happen every day. Do you really know the people around you? Do you really know yourself?
Some people attribute their fear of clowns to the movie "It". I can see that but I think for me it goes much deeper. I put a lot of weight on seeing someone's facial features. If the person smiles a lot, frowns a lot, or seems uneasy in certain circumstances. They all point to the general personality of the individual. How can you tell who someone is if they have a painted on smile? I just don't understand it. Big floppy shoes and rainbow color hair aside you have to admit the general persona of a clown is scary. They have full access to children and who would suspect "Flippy" the clown of doing something horrible. I will NEVER have a clown at a party for any of my kids.

I am well aware that not all clowns are evil. Please don't send me hate mail from any circus or anything. I know that some clowns love the fact that they get to entertain children and make people laugh. Please understand that I do know this but I guess for me the makeup and the allure of clowns has a much more sinister nature. Why would someone need to hide? And if someone did need to hide where else better to do it than behind the mask of a clown? For a pedophile being a clown would be like going to a buffet and who would suspect them. Maybe I'm nuts. No I am pretty sure I'm nuts, but you cannot discount the fact that it is a bit disturbing. I don't go to any great lengths to avoid clowns (as I have shown you here I can see pictures and be around them just fine) but if given the choice I would not be within a tight vicinity of them. I do not hide inside my home afraid that the clowns will get me...no nothing that extreme.

When doing some research for this blog today I found an interesting story that I would like to share:

"The Day the Clown Cried"
In 1971, producer Nate Waschberger asked Jerry to direct and star in "The Day the Clown Cried", based on Joan O'Brien's book by the same name, about a German clown who was arrested by the Gestapo, interred in a concentration camp, and used to march Jewish children into the ovens. Jerry lost close to 40 pounds to play the role. The shooting began in Stockholm, but Waschberger not only ran out of money to complete the film, but he failed to pay Joan O'Brien the money she was owed for the rights to the story. Jerry was forced to finish the picture with his own money. The film has been tied up in litigation ever since, and all of the parties involved have never been able to reach an agreeable settlement. Jerry hopes to someday complete the film, which remains to this day, a significant expression of cinematic art, suspended in the abyss of international litigation. -www.jerrylewiscomedy.com/film_clown_cried.htm

Okay so how sick is that? I don't know why but this story really disturbs me. Not the film story but the fact that children were marched to their deaths by a clown. Okay who is the sicko who thought of this one? I don't know if this really happened and quite frankly I would like to think it is just fiction, but it doesn't make the thought behind it any less troubling.

I know I have issues. You don't have to tell me. I am not dillusional about my issues but I do like to share them. I am a coulrophobic and not afraid to admit it. I would like one person who claims that they are the same person all of the time and have never worn a "mask" to hide how they are feeling challenge my statements. I think there wouldn't be a single soul on this earth who hasn't at one time or another done exactly that.