Sometimes You Have To Laugh

To my sister-in-law, who will be having her first baby in October...Good Luck (it's my brother's kid)!

Okay so here are some of my most embarassing "mom" moments (for those of you who are parents you will fully relate):

10. While walking my son around the block we went to our neighbors house. Now our neighbor was a woman, a very nice and wonderful woman, but she resembled a very burly man. We were sitting on her front porch and my son innocently looked up and said "are you a girl or a boy?" Needless to say I wanted to crawl in a hole.

9. My father has been losing hair for awhile now. It is one of those things that we joke about but never really go too far with it, I don't want to hurt his feelings. So when my son asked my father "Papa, where'd all your hair go?" I just had to laugh. Out of the mouth of babes!

8. When my son was three we were still living in Ohio. Now in the middle of winter there isn't much else to do but walk the mall. So we were at the mall and my son was having the best time riding the little quarter rides in the center. I spent a total of $8 on the rides before I finally told him that was it. He grudgingly removed himself from the ride and continued to walk the mall so nicely. I thought "Whew missed that tantrum". Nope he was just plotting his revenge that is why he was so quiet! We got to the center where all the old Italian men sat while their wives were shopping. My son, quick as a wink, went over put on the best pouty face I have ever seen and gave a huge sob story about how all he wanted was to ride the rides and I didn't have any money. Could they please spare him some change. The little begger got $5! When I tried to give the money back explaining that I had already spent $8 on them, they wouldn't take it back. From that day forward everytime we went to the mall, if those old men were there, they would slip my son money!

7. My son has always been a runner. Even today he runs half his day away, something I call his Gump moments. Well, when he was two it was MUCH worse than it is now. On this particular day he was walking the mall, so sweetly holding my hand, when the devil took over my child. He started to run away from me, zooming up the mall. Now I am chasing my child and not wanting to actually run, I am briskly walking after him. He proceeds to stop and talk to people all the way up the mall and when I would just get close enough to grab him he would sweetly state "I have to go my mommy is coming" and off he would go again. I chased him from one end of the mall to the other, finally catching him at the opposite end of the mall from where we started.

6. I was driving my son to the doctors one day, he was about 4, and noticed at every red light that people were waving at me. I thought "wow, everyone seems so nice today" and would gladly wave back. They would giggle and the light would turn green and on we would go. This happened at 4 red lights before I finally thought something was wrong. I looked back and saw my adorable child sitting in the back seat, underwear on his head (curls sticking out of the leg holes) smiling and waving at the truck next to us...filled with construction workers.

5. He was three when this next wonderful antic took place. My son had a tendency to strip down naked and run around. No big deal really. But on this particular day he thought that it would be great fun to run around the yard like this. So with me, my mom, my dad, my brother, and three of my cousins chasing him my son sprinted as free as a bird around the yard. Easily dodging all of us while he gleefully giggled. Next thing I know he got a strange look on his face, squatted down and yep you guessed it...pooped in the yard!

4. My son was about two when we were walking around (yet again) Wal Mart. We were in the electronics section buying him a new CD for our upcoming road trip. I was standing there with my brother when we heard, what we thought, was water dripping. I turned around and my son is peeing from the sitting position out of the cart onto the floor.

3. Now this one took place about 6 months ago. We had gone to a birthday party at our local build a bear and then we were treated with lunch in the food court of the mall. Our mall's foodcourt is loud and echoes quite a bit but the kids love it. They were enjoying their chick fil a while I spoke quietly with some of the other parents. Now I have to tell you that my son's school is filled with snooty parents and high mucky muck types. I was sitting between a Baptist minister and a dentist when I heard my son (from two tables away) yell out "MOM" I looked up and he proceeded to yell out "I have to tell you when I eat chick fil a I get a little gassy." I was mortified. Everyone was cracking up, well at least those parents with a sense of humor, but all I could think to do was yell back "Ok".

2. When my son was two, such a wonderful age, I was working quite a bit and didn't get a lot of alone time with him. So I decided to sign us up for a Mommy and Me Music class. It was so much fun and he seemed to really enjoy it. The class was filled with these country club woman who would have preferred that my son didn't associate with their children, but I could care the less he was enjoying it and that was all that mattered to me. Well in one particular class the teacher exclaimed that she wanted each child to stand up and sing their favorite song. One by one the kids stood up. Some chose "Row Row Row Your Boat" for others it was "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and one girl even chose "Mary Had A Little Lamb". When it was my son's turn, I lovingly pecked him on the head and proudly sat waiting for him to start. He started to bob up and down and girate his body as he sang (as loud as could be) "It's Getting Hot In Here." That was the last day we attended Mommy and Me Music class!

1. My number one most embarassing moment of all time took place when my son was 18 months old. We went to our local mall and for some God foresaken reason I had decided that my son could walk the mall that day. We walked with my brother up one side of the mall and started back down the other. The mall was particularly busy this day because the prom expo was going on and everyone in town was there! We decided to go into Claire's Boutique to see if I could find myself a pair of sunglasses. My son found a pair he just HAD to have. I kindly said no, not fully willing to buy my son a $20 pair of sunglasses that were lucky to find themselves still in one piece when we hit the door. He started to throw a tantrum. Screamed, yelled, thrashed, and bit. I picked him up and finally got him back out to the mall. He stiffined his body and I let him go to the ground. He threw himself on the ground in front of me. I then remembered a technique in a parenting magazine I had recently read and chose to ignore it all together. Whoever the child psychologist was the gave this advise obviously never had an 18 month old. I would step over my screaming child and walk a little bit. He would get up and come and throw himself on the floor in front of me. We did this little dance all the way back up the mall. When all of a sudden he stiffened and he proceeded to mess his pants, then announces that he just has done so (not that you couldn't smell it). I sent my brother out to the car to get his diaper bag, yep had one brain fart after another that day, and started walking towards the bathroom in the food court. Then he spots it, he wiggles free, he dodges the crowds, he fights his way all the way to the stage. Climbs the stairs with cat-like reflexes and runs up to the middle of the stage (smelling to high heaven). He starts dancing and smiling. The crowd is roaring and I am mortified. Finally the music stops and I am forced to go and get my child off the stage. As I am carrying him off he is smiling and waving to the crowd. He got changed in the car!!

These are all true. Motherhood will challenge you in ways you never thought humanly possible!!